When most people hear the word coaching, they think of performance. Growth. Strategy. And sure — it can be all of those things. But at its core, coaching isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about having the courage to ask better questions.
Because the truth is: most of us already know what we need to do.
We just struggle to do it.
The Real Reason People Avoid Coaching
It’s not because they don’t care.
It’s because they’re scared.
Scared of being truly seen.
Scared of confronting the stories they’ve built around why they can’t.
Scared that change might mean letting go of what’s familiar — even if it’s no longer serving them.
This isn’t a dramatic metaphor — it’s backed by research. In a 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers found that individuals are more likely to avoid feedback and support when it threatens their sense of identity or self-concept — even when they intellectually know it would help them grow (Kappes et al., 2021).
Coaching, in its purest form, challenges that resistance.
Not by pushing. But by holding up a mirror — and sitting with you while you look.
The Psychology Behind the Shift
When a coaching conversation lands, it’s not because the coach told you something groundbreaking.
It’s because they helped you uncover something you were almost ready to admit to yourself.
This process is known in psychology as guided self-reflection, and it plays a key role in sustainable behaviour change. According to a landmark study in the International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, clients who engage in reflective, dialogue-based coaching demonstrate “greater internal clarity, improved emotional regulation, and enhanced autonomy over their actions” (de Haan et al., 2013).
In other words: coaching works not because it gives you answers — but because it helps you own them.
Why It’s Not About Top Tips
Let’s be honest — if the internet were the answer, we’d all be thriving.
There’s no shortage of tips, templates, and how-to lists. But growth doesn’t happen through content alone. It happens through context.
A coach helps you unpack the why behind the what.
- Why do I keep procrastinating when I say I want momentum?
- Why does success still feel uncomfortable, even when I’ve earned it?
- Why do I self-sabotage the very thing I’ve been working toward?
That kind of insight rarely comes from a Google search.
Coaching Is a Space — Not a Solution
The real power of coaching lies in its spaciousness.
It gives you room to pause.
Room to think in real time.
Room to feel discomfort without judgement — and then act from clarity instead of fear.
It’s in that space that transformation happens.
And often, it’s subtle.
One reframe.
One brave decision.
One moment of alignment after months of spinning in circles.
The Bottom Line
Coaching isn’t a shortcut.
It won’t fix you — because you’re not broken.
But it will offer something far more powerful:
A mirror.
And if you’re willing to look…
It might just change everything downstream.
References:
- Kappes, A., Oettingen, G., & Mayer, D. (2021). Avoiding Feedback to Maintain Self-Image: The Role of Self-Threat in Feedback Avoidance. Frontiers in Psychology.
- de Haan, E., Culpin, V., & Curd, J. (2013). Executive coaching in practice: What determines helpfulness for clients of coaching? International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 11(1), 1–13.